ooh! forgot to mention the one thing that made my day brighter:: my camper boots are here!!!! got them off ebay for US$61.00 and although they might be from the old range, i don't care! =)

going off to school now.....die die die....

3.20am:: just clearing up my mind after getting out of my bed. so much for a nap...i slept for 8 hours! going to get myself off the internet/laptop now and actually do work.


i hope.

No Doubt's playing on my winamp now...compliments of Cow. =)


" you're really lovely underneath it all, and do you want to love me underneath it all, i'm really luck underneath it all, you're really lovely........"

great. 2nd day of a new term and i get another new project. *sigh*
so as of now i have to clear: one textile design + outdoor drawings due on 8th May | one major assesment for textile/ceremic project on 12th May | one essay due on 14th May (i think) | another assesment for bag/packaging design on 21st May.
Also, for the new ceremic building class i have, i've got to get a sketch book full of ideas by next tuesday.

*frown*
so much work, so little time....and i am feeling to tired!

going to take a nap now to sleep off my fustrations.

eee....first day back to school for summer term was kinda good. i woke up on time, and did work @ studio! was worried i was going to be slaughtered for not completing my holiday projects, but i have till wed to finish up.

still, not a lot of time.

die die.

realised one thing: in exactly 2 months time, i will be back home! *grin* i am so happy with the thought...cant be bothered about SARS. hmmm....think i better go confirm my flight. i will be counting down the days! cant wait to see you all and hang out by the pool~

was dressing up to go out, when i realised i couldnt fit into my other pair of Levis jeans! i was going " Noooooooooo! this cannot be!". So there i stood infront of the mirror for 5 agonizing minutes, trying to pull and stretch the jeans so it could fit around my hips.

only after a few attempts did i manage to button up, which makes the zipping up part so much easier. was soooo worried that i would split the zip apart but i've gone out and back and it's still holding on.

now the question is: "Did i shrink it Again? or am i just getting too much fats on my lower half?"
the answer: " i think it's both."

you know, at this rate i am going, i'll end up locking myself in my room when i get back to spore!


* the idiots living in the flat above me are thumping around with their music so loud i can hear it. grrrr.*

and another piece of info:

Pennapa bought a laptop>> a Sony Vaio!!!! 40G HD, 512 processor, pentium 4- 260mhz and her screen is 16inch! just looks so big and nice compared to mine. also got dvd/cd-rw drive.....

*envious*

cannot cannot. one must learn to be contented.
hee.

ooh ooh! news goes that 5 more students from St. Martin's graphics are transferring into my course.
me and pennapa are praying hard that some of the 5 are guys! and cute ones too!

weighed myself today and i was 52kg. was kinda pleased until..........

i started to ask about someone else's weight, and it's 38kg! how can anyone be 18yrs old, 1.5m and weigh only so little????
ok, maybe it's possible, cos she's about 1.5m tall.

but but....dammit! i'm the one who's having a problem here.


I NEED TO LOOSE WEIGHT. period.



* i think it aint' going to happen?

there's a wasp in my room!!!! it's landed on my window sill and it's whole body including it's ass has been quivering non-stop!

arghs!

i hope it's not going to lay eggs or die on me in my room......

morning! just got back from my very first attempt of exercise since i got here. i actually woke up at 8.50, got out by 9.15 and went jogging at greenwich park with pennapa! it's an achievement hor!

the park was great, not too crowded and had loads of dogs and squirrals roaming. pennapa was more into the flowers, and she happily plucked some lilac blooms to freshen up her room.

hmm...feeling much more refreshed now. think i'll go have breakfast.

ciaos~

one last thing and i am really going to do work.
that disgusting guy's webpage has changed to this: http://sg.geocities.com/sghunk1976/SgHunkWeb.html

eeks!
how can anyone like him be considered a hunk???

came upon this on tessa's blog:
Maybe all of us fill our minds with stones as we go along our lives, and some people pick up more stones than they should.
So they become weighed down until they drown in depression. Then usually they kill themselves.
Moral of the story?
Be light-weighted, and don't burden yourself with too many things. Don't emo. Keep life simple.
Christian moral of the story?
You don't need to take on so many stones in the first place. But when you can't help it, you don't always have to carry them yourselves, because there's this Big Guy walking beside you. All you have to do is empty your pockets into his hands constantly.

That makes it all simple now.

dear God,
i admit i cannot do things on my own,
i only hurt myself and others more.
now i ask you Lord to come and work on me again
and this time i wont block you out.
please take away this anger in me Lord,
& fill me with peace so i can hear You speak to me.
all things will work out right with you by my side.
Amen.


now, it's time to let it all go and focus on my projects before school starts next week.

i didnt write the previous entry with the intention of hurting anyone, especially you.

sorry if it hurt anyone else.

sorry for using the word 'hate'.

i think it was all the anger inside me that i couldnt get rid of.

it all boils down to me: i cannot handle this, and running from God isn't helping.

i know it's all part of a bigger picture, of a plan that God has laid out for me.

i just have to face it straight on and stop running in circles.

i'm sorry.

not that 'sorry' heals or undo everything,

but i hope somehow it does.

you know, i have been sitting in my room, looking out into the sunshine and really wondering when this hurt will go away. the more i think about it, the more i feel it's not going to. talked to a friend the other day and we kinda concluded that the pain will only slowly fade when someone else is there in our life to somehow block it out and make it seem better.

but i don't want anyone in my life. so am i going to be like this for ages?
i guess so.

sometimes it really sucks. to be so far away from everybody and yet, i have to put on a brave/happy front to go about life/study here in London.

i have always said that i don't hate you.
but maybe i do, maybe i hate you so much i cannot see it.
and it's not only you i hate.
everyone else out there who caused me this pain.

so maybe in the end i hate myself too.
because I WAS THE ONE WHO LEFT.
which in turn left this trail of events that hurt so many people.

can someone just knock me out? and drain away all this angst in my head???
i rather start all over again, then to live in the past.
people tell me to move on, live for the present & the future.
it ain't happening.

i will always be the stupid little girl who hangs on the the past.
the past that hurts me the most.
and it's worst that i actually go seeking for things/truths that i know will hurt me more.

why cant i get it out of my system??

IT'S BLOODY KILLING ME!