4.19am

and I'm here half sober, wondering why you never replied the last sms. I know I am just being hopeful, being silly.... and expecting more than I shoud.
Maybe it's time I finally walked away
& I hope you finally know what makes you happy.

ngao

r.ang = 1 half MC - half

I got my MC - 1 +1/2 days worth but I worked my ass off for today's halfday so that I don't have to worry about tomorrow.

*Sigh*

I work too hard....and for what? I don't know.

Will go sleep off my flu...

Red nails & a diet...

and yet again, I didn't make it through... what makes it worst is that it was the 1st round that I didn't get past. This sure sucks... I don't know if it's the 'ban' or it's what I said - the only comforting thought is that out of 10, only 1 made it through.

I tried to sleep my disappointment away but it's come back to hit me now that I'm awake. Is it just the disappointment of the interview? Or is it 'cause he's not tried in anyway on this rainy Sunday to cheer me up?

I think it's both and it's making me really down...with no where to turn to.

Maybe I shall just drive in this rain & go grab a double-cheese burger & fries to feed my emotions, since nothing & nobody else can.

Have made a mental note to eat till I get this cough full blown & then get an MC to stay home.

Friday night of fireworks

I did it again - went to feed my inner child a HUGE dose of fireworks @ the fireworks event tonight @ the Esplanade. We didn't get the full view but it was still good and really long - like 20mins? Didn't manage to get a good photo, but think the video's quite good...

Will go sleep now dreaming of fireworks going "boom boom boom" & plan where I will watch tomorrow's session. *grin*

a Sunday of memories

Helped aunt to load another trip worth of things from the old place over to her new @ AMK. It's nice and cozy, bright enough & great breeze but sure feels weird... that I have seen it lived in by the previous family.

It makes me kinda sad that we have to leave the old apartment... I have been there on weekends for my WHOLE life... literally - aunt has pictures of me there from like kiddie days... I remember us having to wash our feet the moment we get to the apartment, to us fighting for the red melamine bowls, the soya chicken wings that my grandpa cooked, opening durians on the floor...bathing in big colorful plastic tubs that look absolutely tiny now (wonder how we fit in there as kids but oh well... I was small/slim once!)

The wall in the living room with a scenery on it - which was always the backdrop of our family photos during CNY... the room that my grandpa slept in...the room I slept in when I stayed over... the... the fact that soon I'm never ever going to see/step into that apartment again makes me feel really sad. 20+years of memories it holds for me & my family... and looking back, it sure doesn't feel That long...

Well the new place is nice, but I will surely miss You - grand old one @ Farrer Court. Goodbye & I will never forget my years spent with you.

Life...

is now just about working OT... trying to get some sunshine when I can, feed my cat and tend to his wounds from fighting... and hope I get to meet 'him'... but everything's like just floating around... what do I want? I dunno.. but I will continue wide-eyed into it...and hope I emerge with answers.

*just read a post by Karen Cheng... made me stop for that moment... *

"Whereas I discover one of life’s sweetest words - Grace. It heals all that is broken inside me, and makes me want to change my life. To live the best I can. With purpose. With significance. With gratitude"

9th August'08

This day started early and was full of things to do, places to go, errands to run & all was done - super productive day! Not awake enough to write more about it now, but I just want to say: Thank you, for watching the fireworks with me...especially when you actually see no point in it at all.

'代替'

Finally got my hands on the 881 soundtrack and this 1 particular song has caught me...looping it till the cats must think i'm crazy. Hope you all will like it too...

代替' by Jim Lim 林倛玉

放开你的手
不管等多久
失败是成功之母
我们不怕苦
找得到路

你教我的歌
你唱歌的声
将那人潮都暗哑
甜美而优雅
好牵挂

原来思念也有生命
有呼吸 有你
扎根在我的心
像部分身体
再多的风雨
再多不允许
都不能阻挡
我们在一起

原来思念也有意义
有爱与勇气
我不在身边
就让思念代替
代替我去爱你
去呵护你

放开你的手
送你到最后
你的泪在我的胸口
不管等多久
无所求

รักไม่รู้ดับ

Love the 'oldies' feel to this song... though it Might just be really old, I would'nt know!

ถึงจะสิ้นวิญญาณกี่ครั้ง
Tueng ja sin win-yarn gi krang
No matter how many times my soul ceases to exist.
ฉันก็ยังรักเธอฝังใจ
Chan gor yang rak ther fang-jai
My love for you is endless.
ถึงจะสิ้นดวงจันทร์ไฉไล
Tueng ja sin dwong-jan chai-lai
Although the beautiful moon ceases to exist.
ไม่เป็นไรเพราะยังมีเธอ
Mai pen rai pror young mee ther
I mind not for I still have you
ฟ้าจะมืดจะมัวช่างฟ้า
Fah ja maud ja mua chang fah
Although the sky is gloomy, I mind not
ขอให้มีสายตาหวานละเมอ
Khor hai mee sai-tar whan la-mer
so long as I see the sweet look is in your eyes
ถึงจะสิ้นแผ่นดินนะเธอ
Tueng ja sin phen-din na ther
Although earth ceases to exist
ให้ได้เจอยิ้มเธอชื่นใจ
Hai dai jer yim ther chun-jai
Just seeing your smile makes me happy
ไม่ได้ชิด ก็ขอเพียงได้ชม
Mai dai chid gor khor phieng dai chom
Although I can't be close to you, seing you is enough
ไม่ได้สม ไม่เห็นแคร์อะไร
Mai dai som mai hen care a-rai
Although I can't get what I want, I don't care
ขอให้ได้รักข้างเดียวเอาไว้
Khor hai dai rak khang diew kao-wai
Just loving you one-sided is enough
ไม่เช่นนั้นใจฉันคงหลุดลอย
Mai chen-nun jai chan khong lhud-loy
Otherwise my heart would be lost
ถึงโลกแตกแหลกลานสิบครั้ง
Tueng lok takk lakk-larn sib krang
Although earth explodes 10 times over
ฉันก็ยังรักเธอหวังใจรอคอย
Chan gor yung rak ther whang-jai ror- koi
I still love and wait for you.
แม้จะสิ้นวิญญาณเลื่อนลอย
Mae ja sin win-yarn luen-loy
Although my soul ceases to exist and is gone
ก็จะคอยพบเธอชาติอื่นเอย
Kor ja koi phob ther chat aun ei...
I'll wait to meet you again next life

记得

谁还记得 是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话 是我们以后的伤口
过了太久 没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手 说要一起走到最后

我们都忘了 这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的 有一天 有一天都会停的
让时间说真话 虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后 我们都不知道会不会有以后

谁还记得 是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话 是我们以后的伤口
过了太久 没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手 说要一起走到最后

我们都累了 却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑 怎么说 怎么说都没有救
亲爱的为什么 也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人等着对方先说 想分开的理由

谁还记得爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中 看见了不同的天空
走的太远 终于走到分岔路的路口
是不是你和我 要有两个相反的梦

谁还记得 是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话 是我们以后的伤口
过了太久 没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手 说要一起走到最后
我和你手牵手 说要一起走到最后

The Strangers

Watched 'The Strangers' and hell I screamed like SOOOOOOOOOOO many times! Would have chewed on my hands if I didn't need them to cover my eyes!

Erm.. time to sleep.. cont. another day... zzzz

p.s. AMK hub is sure freaky when one's walking alone to take the cargo lift to the carpark...

Dreams DO come through!

28th June has been one crazy day for me...today's the day I set my hands on my very own 'Ultimate' bag... It's so surreal and the fact that it cost a bomb hasn't hit me yet but hell, I sure did something for myself and I'm VERY happy about it!

Don't think I will ever get another bag that will ever come close to & this bag is DEFINATELY for life!

Don't worry, I didn't break my piggy bank or have to starve the next whole year for it - but hell it sure made a dent in the 'rainy day fund'!

AHhhhhhh... Thank you - you know who you are, for being so sweet to help lug it back all the way.

Now I will go sleep very sweetly.... *grin*


p.s. this particular one must be damn hard to come by 'cos I can't even find it on Ebay! Now, we all know we can find anything & everything on there!

today

I walked away from all that was given to me, all that I had.
Sorry won't make up for any bit of the pain I've caused but it's all I can say now...



"goodbye big red ballon, may you float into happier lands..."

ทำไมต้องเธอ (Why you?)

I have absolutely no idea what this song means - tried googling forever but no results. Think that it sounds sad but yet somehow very catchy... so listen if you wish! Update 25th May: Pennapa has so kindly translated it for me! =) Thank you!

ก็ มัน ไม่ อยากรู้ ก็ มัน ไม่ อยาก รัก
gôr man mâi yàak róo gôr man mâi yàak rák
Actually I didnt really want to

ไม่มี เวลา ที่จะ คิด ที่จะ สนใจ
mâi mee way-laa têe jà kít têe jà sŏn-jai
there was no time to think about it

แต่ พอได้ เจอะ เธอ ก็ ดู ชีวิต มัน ผิด เพี้ยน ไป
dtàe por dâai jè ter gôr doo chee-wít man pìt pían bpai
but when I met you, my life seems to have changed

ฉัน กลายเป็น คนอ่อนแอ ไม่ ชอบ เลย
chăn glaai bpen kon òn ae mâi chôp loie
I became weak and I dont like that

เมื่อไหร่ ที่อยู่ ใกล้ เธอ ฉัน รู้สึก ราวกับ เคลิ้ม ไป
mêua-rài têe yòo glâi ter chăn róo-sèuk raao gàp klérm bpai
whenever I get close to you, it's like I'm dreaming

ไม่ เป็น ตัวเอง ไม่ เหมือนเคย
mâi bpen dtua eng mâi mĕuan koie
I'm not myself

แต่ พอ เธอ ห่าง หาย ไป คิด จะ ลืม ยัง ไม่ได้ เลย
dtàe por ter hàang hăai bpai kít jà leum yang mâi dâai loie
and when you're gone, I just cant stop thinking of you

ทำไม ต้อง เป็น ( เธอ ) ไม่เข้าใจ
tam-mai dtông bpen ( ter ) mâi kâo jai
why you, I dont understand

นี่ ตัวฉันเอง หรือ เปลี่ยนไป ถึง เพียง นี้
nêe dtua chăn eng rĕu bplìan bpai tĕung piang née
is this myself? how I have changed

หมด ความเข้มแข็ง และ เหตุผล ไป อย่าง อย่างง่ายดาย
mòt kwaam kêm kăeng láe hèt pŏn bpai yàang yàang ngâai daai
irrational as I became

อาจ เป็นเพราะ เธอ นั้น ที่ เดิน มาหา เข้ามา ค้น ใจ
àat bpen prór ter nán têe dern maa hăa kâo maa kón jai
or maybe because you've walked into my life

แล้ว ฉัน ก็เลย เปลี่ยนไป เพราะ รัก เธอ
láew chăn gôr loie bplìan bpai prór rák ter
and I have changed, 'cause I love you

เมื่อไหร่ ที่อยู่ ใกล้ เธอ ฉัน รู้สึก ราวกับ เคลิ้ม ไป
mêua-rài têe yòo glâi ter chăn róo-sèuk raao gàp klérm bpai
whenever I get close to you, it's like I'm dreaming

ไม่ เป็น ตัวเอง ไม่ เหมือนเคย
mâi bpen dtua eng mâi mĕuan koie
I'm not myself

แต่ พอ เธอ ห่าง หาย ไป คิด จะ ลืม ยัง ไม่ได้ เลย
dtàe por ter hàang hăai bpai kít jà leum yang mâi dâai loie
and when you're gone, I just cant stop thinking of you

ทำไม ต้อง เป็น ( เธอ ) ไม่เข้าใจ
tam-mai dtông bpen ( ter ) mâi kâo jai
why you, I dont understand

15 days soon feels like too much.....

Day 13th of CNY and somehow it feels like it's never going to end! My diet is never going to happen and the kilos are simply not melting away (but thankfully they've stopped piling on too!) Am lazt to type for now so just some photos of food, me and fireworks taken over CNY,