today was my sister's graduation. was suppose to be seated by 10.40am but i got there at 11am...well managed to get in anyway. after seating thru a super long speech by the principal and the neverending certificate presentation, i was running all over campus in killer heels to take photos for her.

what was nice was that the sky was clear and blue....


rotted at pub and just talked & talked. went on down to topshop so sis, her bf & her friend could shop. i didnt buy anything.

hopped on a bus home and along the journey, away from the human traffic and noise, i suddenly felt very very lonely.

think i'm in one of my cranky moods. those depressive ones. dun think being home alone on a friday night helps any better. it's like every single friend i know has a smashing good time in london, but i am not totally into london and i just don't understand why. could it be that i don't drink and just somehow feel different about this city as compared to other people?

i realised and admit one thing: i am an attention seeker. not from strangers, but from those ppl around me. i crave for a friend's concern, listening hear. i never feel empty back in spore. is london just so different from what i have in spore?

it's just that at the end of the day, i dun feel contented at all. maybe it's just today cos i wasted the whole day doing nothing fruitful. maybe it's my cranky emotional side seeping out again.

i should be happy. i have people who love me. or is my past just creeping out on me and draining me out unconsciously? there are somethings that just cannot be erased... but i tried.

don't even have the strength to focus on my school work.
JUST WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? can someone please tell me?

i am feeling so so so lost and yet all i can do is sit in my room, type this and wipe away the tears that i don't want to shed.

i don't see my value in this world anymore.

maybe all this output is just crap.