Saturday, May 31, 2003

walked to the greenwich town to grab a lunch of pie and beans. then walked around, going into those 2pound book shops. for once i felt at home. think it was the sun + heat that made me feel so comfy. FYI, its a high of 26degrees today!

walked back though the park and it was really crowded! wonder why the kids dun have to go school....hmm.
am back in the refuge of my room but i think i will grab a book and my knitting and head back out to enjoy the sun.


Friday, May 30, 2003

i do realised that i have a very very sad social life in london. everyday i wake up, the first thing i do is turn on my lappy, then do the other stuff. after getting my bowl of cereal, i will bring it back to my desk, to surf and eat @ the same time.

after clearing all my emails ( not alot actually ) and reading all the news, i am basically just bumming online. which makes me feel really stupid now. instead of going out to enjoy the real world, i stay in my little messy room, pulled into this virtual world i so love and just wait for people to come on icq to chat with me. ( which is not many again ).

this is so sad. wait. I am so sad. a sad sad case of a no lifer, so i cannot blame London.

everyone Loves London! it's happening, it's so great!


so why do i put myself in such a position? i am pondering it about it now.

maybe i stay online all this time just to wait for that someone to msg me.
or maybe i am just thing lazy lazy gal who refuses to get out of her room.
or maybe i don't like the idea of going out alone, feeling like an idiot?
or maybe, i am just hooked on bloody Ebay! ( spending a fortune there.... )

Maybe, it's just me and all of the above reasons.

i need a life. i need to live for myself!


i'm going out and not looking back.
i finally did get my butt out of the fact out of my room. went to a mate's houseparty. actually had the intention of not turning up but he called me and personally 'reminded' me again, so i figured that i had to go somehow.....dun wanna be too anti-social lah.

bought some booze ( it's a uk thing. go to a party = bring alcohol. not food ), a Zinger meal from kfc for my dinner and hopped on the bus. got to the party like 11pm, and stayed till 1am. it was nice in a way, the night was not too cold, a lot of people around and a dj spinning some dnb. Guess the only down part was not knowing a lot of people, so ended up just huddling with my few classmates.

got a lift out to catch my night bus, sent 2 gals off on their bus before making my way to catch mine.

waited one bloody hour for it. was freezing at the bustop k.....
so now it's 3.43am and i am still wide awake.

my flatmate just made some weird moaning|groaning noise again. he always does it while sleeping. hmm...wonder if he's having some dream or is my typing so loud that he gets disturbed??

dun care for now.

:: should go party more often ::

having so many hours of sunshine can certainly mess up your mind. it's 7pm now and the sun's shining like it's 4pm. i've been sleeping @ 2am and waking up @ 12pm everyday good no good.

so many things to do, but i cant get my butt off the chair.

Thursday, May 29, 2003

dinner: Mashed potato + broccoli, topped with tuna + sweetcorn, then mushroom and finally cheese. then dumped into the oven to bake.




Wednesday, May 28, 2003

ok. i have too much time to kill now and i will be constantly updating my blog i guess.

erm, one thing to ask of my friends...if you could, visit and err....donate a couple of buckaroos?

yes, i know i can i just trust what some stranger says on the web and give some money?
i guess trust is really so hard to gain now, so instead of trying and waiting to gain someone's trust, why not trust someone first?
i believe in what goes around comes around!

debbie really seems quite in if you could, give. if not, pray for her?


There is this company in Uk called Truprint, that lets you mail in your film to them for developing, and the return it to you via mail again, together with a free roll of film for every film you send it. The first time i used it, it was fast, nice big prints and i got free film! So i decided to use their services again.

well, just got my photos back, but the 2 free rolls of film has gone missing. *sigh* i inspected the package and noticed that someone has pried open one corner of the pack and stuck i back.

so someone stole my film.



if you're free, please go to to sign the peitition against the culling of the singapore cats and dog!
oh. i finally watch The Pianist the other day....and all i can say it just fills me with this unending sorrow. The main piece from the soundtrack also brings forth the pain felt by the Jews..... i must say i admire the German officer for his grace to help keep Szpilman alive, to the extend of moving his office into the building where Szpilman was hiding, just so to be able to feed him. I guess it's this kind of unselfish giving that keeps the world moving.

kinda sad that Szpilman didnt manage to save the German officer.

oh well.

For those who havent watched it, do so. It's compelling.
*twiddling fingers* now i have exactly 30 days to go before i leave London. what shall i do to kill time?? hmmm. think i will go scan in my Lomo photos for now and put them up on my Lomo homepage.

Yes yes....i am a broadcaster.


Tuesday, May 27, 2003

1.36pm:: i've done it. it's over....yes!!! i am officially on holiday now! Wheeeee~

just waiting for Pennapa now to head to school together.

now i can sleep and eat all i want.

i fell asleep.

or more like i willingly took a nap because my eyes were getting tired from all the reading i was trying to do.

ok ok. it's too late to undo's 5.10am and i have only just started typing my opening paragraph. am i able to hand it in like 5 hours later? arghs!!!

*cow. kill the chick please. she's not doing her work in the farm.*

my essay is driving me nuts. its already 8.46pm, i am still doing online research for it and nothing seems to be revelant! arghs!
how am i going to get it out by tomorrow??


Monday, May 26, 2003

listening to a lot of emo mandarin and cantonese songs now. gives me the chills somehow...all love songs. hmmm. but somehow they just bring a smile to my face and my thoughts drift back to my sec. school days of listening to 9.33fm

*grin*'s standing now, it's some song by Alex To. One part goes like "don't worry that i love you too much, for i'm very happy loving you"


* just got remindered that in exactly 1 mth or 31days i will be back home!!!!!!

Yes yes yes!*

ok. back to my essay. =(
it's sunday night, my essay is STILL NOT completed and i am reading The Alchemist.
good book, which really makes you think about your aim in life + what are we searching for.

"i'm like everyone else - i see the world in terms of what i would like to see happen, not what actually does."

Friday, May 23, 2003

Pennapa has been working weekends @ a Thai resturant, and guess what? she's got some admirers, 3 infact! *grin*
One of them walked her home today....
if only you could see her face, all flustered when she was telling me about the guys in the kitchen.


feel happy in a way for her.


i got my Supersampler!!!!!

2 down, 2 more cameras to go.

*hint hint*


got back and so lazy to go out for this Muji evening sale event. guess i will just stay in and clean up my room. had my tutorial with lecturer, and he says i've done well for this year, and that i'm in top 6 or 10, outta 40.

aiyah.....but happy also no use lah. 1st year grades do not contribute to my final degree.

sian. trying to get myself to do essay. but art history is such a boring subject!

have been thinking about stuff and asking myself:" why do i blog?"

maybe i should stop blogging. it's too emo.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

9:04am:: yes! i slept through the Whole night! woke up once at 10pm, then again at 5am but i didnt get out of the bed! See! i'm becoming a super pig. hahahah.
Although now i feel abit weird......think toooo much sleep.

sniff. off to school in horrible weather.


Wednesday, May 21, 2003

2.28pm:: back from school. arranged my work out for lecturer to grade and will only get it back tomorrow. am so stoned, i couldnt walk properly...felt like i was floating sometimes. *sigh* age is catching up with me. still remember in poly yr 1 i could rush projects, attend classes, not sleep for 2 whole days and still feel fine. now just one sleepless night and i am goneded.

*blink blink*

eyes are really feeling funny. think i will go zzzz.....screw up my body clock again~
what's new?


wait. i still got my essay to complete!!!!!

*boo hoo*

besides the weather being really horrible for the whole week, rain with gusty winds....i got nothing to say for now. i am up to my nose....with work due tomorrow. i am like only 1/4 done!


i have since given up even trying to finish my essay by tomorrow too. will see what happens....

ooh ooh! bird-day wishes to Ah Kit!!!
eh. old already man!

Monday, May 19, 2003

forgot to mention this: someone's eating my margerine! i'm ok to share but to eat 3/4 of it?? i figure the person is like super duper cheapo or broke.
sunday....8.30pm and i am having a dinner of mash potato and beef steak, washed down with A&W rootbeer! mmm......taste nice nice! all self made too.


oh, after stuffing myself i will have to really get down to work. =S got an essay and big project to clear by wednesday. internet really distracts me BIG time....

Saturday, May 17, 2003

i've decided.

i will do things, make decisions that makes me happy. just me. i feel like i have been living my life for others, always worrying what other ppl think of me, what will ppl say.
i don't care anymore. for now.

i just want to be happy. ok?

Friday, May 16, 2003

heyo peeps.

i got this 'job offer' with a Drum & Bass event organiser, whatcha think about it?


The job is a very good opportunity to meet people and make connections within the industry and can open doors for you, especially if you're a DJ or promoter etc. The job basically involves going to as many club nights as possible of any kind of music in and around London, then leaving the party 45 minutes or an hour early and handing out our flyers as people leave. We also ask that once a week, or whenever you can, go to a set of record and clothes shops that we'll give you and display our flyers and posters. Also whenever you can think of new and creative promotional ideas they are welcomed. Although you don't get paid, you do get many other benefits, ie; free guestlist for you and a friend to all movement nights and any other night at which you give out flyers. But most of all, it gives you a foot in the door of this industry, which is notoriously hard to get into!!!

Let me know what you think.

Gin, Movement Promotions.
i know you ppl are going to laugh at me, but i am going to blog it down anyway...

was cooking bak ku teh for my dinner and then proceeded to boil some rice to go with it. washed it and all and left it on the cooker to boil while i came back into my room. the thing was that i left it on high heat and like 5 mins later i went to check on it, it was burnt and smoke was all over! i was praying so hard the fire alarm wouldn't go off, but like ten seconds later, the whole building was filled with the screeching whine of that bloody fire alarm.

had to make my way down to tell the warden but he had already gone up to my flat. so i had to stand in the main hall and wait for him to come back down to off the alarm, infront of all the other ppl.....felt super embarassed. made my way back up to my flat.....and i'm now eating half burnt rice.

never again will i cook and walk away.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

ok. last night i was contemplating hard on the issue of either spending $200 on diving lessons or on 2 pairs of birkenstocks. everyone said diving lessons....but but i caved in and got both pairs of Birks! eekss...i can hear ppl cursing @ me now...hee.

But it's a girl thing! how can you separate a girl from the shoes she loves????

now is like mega huge cut back time. no more eating ou tor buying nonsense. i will save save save the remaining pounds i have and bring it back to singapore for my diving lessons! scummy eh?

check out this article on bbc news website. talks about the matrix and religion. makes you really think about the plot.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

best love story movie ideas so far:

- Sweet November ( i didnt watch it!! )
- Top Gun ( allen, only give you one choice so i picked this one. heh. )

hmm...this really tells me who reads my blog!
oooh...jsut read straits times online:

"Part of a love-making scene in The Matrix Reloaded in Singapore has been snipped to avoid imposing an R(A) rating on the film, says the Board Of Film Censors." This only spurs me more to watch it here in London! It will open on 21st May, just in time as that's the dateline of my last project. Yippie!

woke up late today....thus decided not to go in to class. my classmate called though and let me know my results for my ceremic|textile project. i got an A! =] really happy inside with myself. as i logged on to the net and my default page - our daily bread came on, i read it and it humbled me. It talked about being thankful to God for everything, less we took the little things we have for granted and our heads get bigger with pride and self-worth. i am what|who i am now because of His works.

this bit is from the page
Ungratefulness is a temptation for us today as well. If our endeavors are successful, let's make sure we are thankful to God for His goodness, help, and protection.

Help me, O Lord, lest my heart become proud,
For all of my talents by You are endowed;
Nothing I have can I claim as my own—
What mercy and grace in my life You have shown!

We don't need more to be thankful for, we just need to be more thankful.

the last sentence says it all. do think about it.

one more thing for you all to poll:

which movie do you think brings through the idea of the best love story ever?
i've already got one in mind...but i wont share it till i see what you ppl think!

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

went to sleep only at 5am.......was suppose to wake up @ 9am to go DHL collect my supersampler. but my body refused and it's now 12.42pm that i'm typing this, with my wet hair dripping all over & thinking of the afternoon class i have at 2.30pm.


cant wait to see my supersampler! damn...why couldnt i have just forced myself outta bed????
going to make a banana smoothie now....

hee. thing i have to ask all you ppl who read this.

What's the issue with bananas? 3/4 of the people i meet or know don't like it!

Please enlighten me on it k? =]
it's 1.34am and here i am, eating a supper of brie cheese on biscuits and a glass of banana-orange juice. had a submission in the day, and came back at 5pm feeling totally stoned. decided @ 6pm that i had to sleep......knowing that i would screw up my body clock again.

so after a nap of 5 hours..i am half awake and nibbling. this isn't helping me to loose weight is it?
maybe i should work through the night again on my other project.


Monday, May 12, 2003

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. —Ecclesiastes 3:1

have been in my room trying to trim my work with the stupid pinking shears, and looping "because i'm a girl" by korean group Kiss cos i really like it....
anyway, went into the kitchen with pennapa to try using the blender i got for 3pounds. it works, and we had orange-raspberry juice. =) all was nice and chirpy until my flatmate came to the kitchen and asked:" is that song you're playing the korean one? and why issit like repeating over and over again? i don't like it." I just smiled and gave pennapa a look, while she just looked back at me too, speechless.

inside my mind, my brains were going " what the hell....what have you got to say about the music i play? if i wanna loop it the whole day.....what's your problem? i don't complain when you talk damn loud in your room......"


really spoil my mood......back to work. dateline tomorrow.

Sunday, May 11, 2003

sunday:: alarm clock rang at 10am...lazed in bed till 10.30am. decided to do some 'exercise' before i shower. so it was......

3 sets of | 10 squats | 10 stomach crunches | 10 buttfirming kicks | , then followed with trying to see how much of a 'split' i can do. the strain in my thighs was massive! and err....i cannot really do the split. hmmm...should i even continure trying?

to the shower now.

just had a dinner of instant noodles with broc and 2 fried eggs, washed down with a can of coke. not exactly healthy and low in fat....but i seemed to have lost my appetite for proper food.

did this personality disorder test...and the results::

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: High
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

URL of the test:


Saturday, May 10, 2003

ok.i've been stuck on the net ebaying. get me out of this!!! the internet is Really killing me.... and trying to figure out this stupid template editing on blogger aint making my day any better.


my tag board is not showing up.....arghs!!! stoopid html.

Friday, May 09, 2003

this is extracted from Pennapa's blog, just to show you the 'interesting' life of 2 oriental girls in London. *grin*

was walking along Oxford St when this friendly guy approached and asked us
him>>"u guys want a blow dry?"
renee>>" thanks"
me>> [asked renee] "hey, what did he say???"
renee>>"do u want a blow DRY?"
me>>"..." [I heard he said "do u want a blow JOB?"]
ah~~ my ears, what the heck I was thinking??
12.25am::just woke up from a 6 hour nap....think i shuoldnt have slept at i am all wide awake with no mood to do anywork. arghs. Pennapa just got back from her first day of work @ a thai rest, think she had no pay for the night but got 12pounds worth of tips. not too bad....considering i was sleeping while she worked and she got some money now.

i need a job!!!!!

* she got pelted with an egg while waiting for the bus! mean mean brits.*

Thursday, May 08, 2003

i messed up my blogpage....and i got a zit on my forehead! *frown*
back to work...........

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

"I'm so tired of being here.
Suppressed by all my childhood fears.
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave.
Cause your presence still lingers here,
and it won't leave me alone.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real,
there's just too much that time cannot erase......"

Evanescence - My Immortal

i think i am just an empty shell now, devoid of being able to feel and trust...why is everyone out there making things a mess for me? why cant they just let me be me? why do they want to step in and say i am wrong wrong wrong??? who are they to say they are doing this cos they care for me? what makes them think they are right?

i had my highs and lows in life and i am thankful for everything.
i know i shouldnt dwell on the past but look on to the future but my past is haunting me. haunting me bad.
i am learning to forgive but somethings i cannot forget.

selfish i may be. but that's all i can be now.

ppl say i should be grateful i have a chance to study in london.

i am.

just that things never went well from the start and it aint looking any better now.
put yourself in my shoe.
feel the pain i go thru, cry the tears i weep and dun criticise or question me anymore.

i am nothing now.

just a girl too afraid to love, to feel and to trust even those ard me.

leave me alone.

every single one.

dun push me to the brink or i will just run....

run away from you all.

i don't want to cry anymore as the tears never help.

just let me be,

in my own world.

let me be alone with God to heal my pain.

please don't ask why and what.

come near me and i will push.

i apologize if i have hurt anyone, cos i know i did.

so let me be and stay away.
alone, i will find myself someday.

| i am still searching for myself | for what i want & need | for me to learn to trust again | doesn't seem easy | sigh | think i'll do my work now |

Thursday, May 01, 2003

i know this sounds weird, but i am trying to learn how to knit, using whatever sources i can get from the internet. and i can only do the 'casting on'.....i cannot get the knit stich!!! arghs!!!!!

this is definately testing my patience.

it's a small world.......i just found out that i am on the same flight back to spore with my schoolmate/neighbour!! yippie! now i will have a companion for my 13hour flight!! =)