final post for the year:

*slap*
no more being emo!!!!!

less than 12 hours and it will be 2004. so how are you going to usher it in? i'm going all emo again.

everyone seems to be going for one of those massive parties at the different ends of singapore.
think i will do a quiet one this year, grab a couple of Hoegaarden, sparklers, a good friend and head to the botanic gardens to feed the mosquitos, count the stars & burn up some bushes.

not exactly in the mood to pay and get hot & sweaty with 10,000 strangers.
wait. am i getting old? *horrified*
or maybe i am just learning to be contented with life, and trying to see it w/o all the noises+distractions i get everyday?

day in day out, i play, eat, shop, whine and laugh but at the end of the day, when it's in the comfort of my room between my bedsheets, it's just me alone in that dark silence.

in that dark silence, i see loneliness & solace.
solace because i can stare in the blankness and reflect back about my day or life.
loneliness comes upon me every now & then...... when i miss having a hug.
but after all the mixed feelings, i get to sleep in comfort!

looking back>
2003 has been one hell of a year of trying to handle school and yet grow up, grit my teeth to take the nonsense that comes my way & learning lessons of the heart. somehow thankful to every single person that has walked into my life in this year, to those that i don't speak to anymore i just wish you know somehow.

i STILL wonder why, while other people can just move on with their lives in a snap of a finger, i end up dwelling in my sadness instead of looking for the happiness that is not so far away. simply shitty me.

365 days | 3 heartaches | getting upset with myself | new great friends | 2 wonderful trips to paris | xmas in singapore with old pals | stronger i think |

check out http://www.channel4.com/howpicky if you're free.

mine is:
37% - Could be picker.
your willingness to look beyond the surface for other qualities show that you are grounded in reality when
looking for a relationship. just beware of going with the flow too much and settling for 'OK' instead of 'fantastic'.

in the new year thou shall:
1. not be so giving.
2. not make enemies.
3. keep the friend's i have made.
4. forget the ugly stuff in the year, embrace all i've learnt.
5. have all the fun i want w/o emotions getting in the way.
6. work hard to get that 1st class degree.
7. aim to do a masters related to business/communication.
8. and still be a better person

all i want for now is to catch LOTR.
*grrr*
sometimes wonder why the hell i came back to spore for.

today i did something i thought i could never ever do.
if i had a choice, i would have not done it.

maybe i did have the choice, but.......

i've never ever felt so low about myself in my life.
you make me feel like i am studying something that's not of worth at all to this world.
i never thought people could be this narrow minded, but you just showed me how this world of yours really works.
in your society, i can only be respectable if i am in business, banking, medicine, accounting etc?

i know i am not of equal status.
but at least i have the guts to do what i like.
i will make something out of myself, with my own determination, with my passion in art.

i just wish i wasnt made this way.
if only i could be someone bad, someone so horrible no one likes, someone who doesnt have a heart.
so that i wont be hurting at all.

sorry doesnt help in anyway.
telling the truth does.

i didnt regret at first meeting you.
maybe now i do.

first:
i touched down in spore 8pm, 24th dec.

second:
sorry to all my friends whom i didnt inform of my arrival....which is practically everyone.

third:
buzz me if you're not pissed with me, so we can meet up and stuff ourselves.

fourth:
lugging 3 dozen donuts from london is hell. never going to do it again.

fifth:
candice, thank you for everything. you made my xmas so much more beautiful, and everything else easier to bear.

i'm suppose to be packing.
instead i'm prancing around my room.
i'm scared.

got this off an email i received. thanks vince


People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON...
It is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They come to assist you though a difficulty, to provide you with guidance
and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are!
They are there for a reason you need them to be.
then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at any inconvenient time, this
person will say or do something to end the relationship.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up & force you to make a stand.
what we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled,
their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered.
And now it is time to move on.

When someone come into your life for a SEASON...
It is because your turn has come to share, grow & learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is Real!
But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and to put what you have
learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind and friendship is clairvoyant.

london buzz

the weather project - olafur eliasson

friend's here from manchester for the weekend. quite interesting time we had since his arrival. went to bar rumba and a hongkong guy we didnt know bought us both drinks. heh. then next day, while browsing at Harrods we saw the Al-fayed owner!

not bad eh?

though the down side of it all is that i dropped my credit card.....and after i got it blocked by the bank, i found it at Harrods's lost & found. *sigh*

i'm feeling all mixed up right now.

ah.
i've been put up for voting at http://www.flyingchair.net/vote.php?categoryID=4
though i'm sure xiaxue.blogspot will win.
don't think my blog is that good a read leh.

=)
miss you all.

why
why
why....
is everyone going back for xmas!!!!!!!
*sobs*

sharon's gone back for good.
one more galfriend not by my side anymore.
tinky's gone too!
*sniff*

i miss you.
i miss the friend i've lost.
but i cant tell you that....
so it's here.

tinky: the baby of my life for now until monday, then he's back to singapore.
meow meow.

i don't think i am obsessed with love.
and no, love does not make the world go round.
money does.
which is sad.

love is not everything and one cannot sustain on love alone.
yet,
can you really say you don't wish to have anything at all to do with love?
i don't think so.
we are all just human beings with human emotions.

so,
this is me.

to clarify matters,
that previous entry was not written by me.
it is i believe in love by the Dixie Chicks.

december 11th.

the start of holidays.
the start of hibernation.
the start of singlehood.

i could see things that other people's eyes couldnt see.
i could feel the vibes....even though you tried to cover up.

then i saw what i needed to see.

so tell me,
am i a fool?

i have reached the level of being so numb that i cannot cry even though i am so sad. Again.
isnt december in london great? last year's was crap. so will this year's.

do you care? i don't think so.
you never did.

ming, happy 21st!

*meow*

lovely song.
just ignore the "you just keep my hanging on" & the "you're going to reap just what you sow" bit.

Just a perfect day
Drink sangria in the park
And then later when it gets dark we go home

Just a perfect day
Feed animals in the zoo
And then later, a movie too and then home

Oh it's such a perfect day
I'm glad I spend it with you
Oh such a perfect day
You just keep me hanging on
You just keep me hanging on

Just a perfect day
Problems all left alone
Weekenders on are own
It's such fun

Just a perfect day
You make me forget myself
I thought I was someone else
Someone good

Oh it's such a perfect day
I'm glad I spend it with you
Oh such a perfect day
You just keep me hanging on
You just keep me hanging on

You're going to reap
Just what you sow
You're going to reap
Just what you sow
You're going to reap
Just what you sow
You're going to reap
Just what you sow
::Perfect Day (Trainspotting) by The Velvet Underground.

tears will dry & the hurt will fade away...slowly, slowly.

think i'll stop publishing for a while.

Goodnight, sleep tight
No more tears
in the morning, I'll be here
And when we say goodnight,
Dry your eyes
Because we said goodnight,
And not goodbye
We said goodnight
And not goodbye.....

did the record of 36 sleepless hours. think my body clock is now screwed.
got another essay due friday and i dunno what i'm suppose to write.
aint that great?

anyway i'm relaxing now, watching tv and eating yogurt.
i want to go to this event!! check out http://www.winterwonderlanduk.com

wanna go with me????
*blink blink*

projects done. just got back from school. been awake for 25hours already. hmmm.
my room is in this mess that i cannot seem to comprehend where all the items came from in the first place.
damn i must have packed my things darn well previously.

was walking back just now when this teenage boy on a bicycle stopped and asked if i had 20pence for a payphone call. the thought that he could snatch my purse and cycle away crosses my mind instantly, yet i wanted to help. so i just dug around in my bag for the 20pence without taking out my purse.

found it and gave it to him. he said thanks & took out his wallet to keep it.

did i just fall for another trickster?
what the heck. it was only 20pence.

besides, if he really tricked me he would get his retribution next time.
in the mean time,
i shall continue to be good.

heh.

4.53pm: finally wide awake.

chirpy news for me now: YES!!!!!!!!!!! Chelsea won! haha. take that man utd!

spent another night doing my work....and it's 9am again.
feeling that i havent made full use of the time i was awake.
wonder how's it like outside...
didnt even draw open the curtains.

feel like a prisoner in my room sometimes.

slept at 9am...and woke up at 7pm. sheesh.
having my dinner now.
broccoli & turkey ham stir fry in hoi sin sauce with a fried egg, on rice.

feeling kinda crap.