less than 12 hours and it will be 2004. so how are you going to usher it in? i'm going all emo again.

everyone seems to be going for one of those massive parties at the different ends of singapore.
think i will do a quiet one this year, grab a couple of Hoegaarden, sparklers, a good friend and head to the botanic gardens to feed the mosquitos, count the stars & burn up some bushes.

not exactly in the mood to pay and get hot & sweaty with 10,000 strangers.
wait. am i getting old? *horrified*
or maybe i am just learning to be contented with life, and trying to see it w/o all the noises+distractions i get everyday?

day in day out, i play, eat, shop, whine and laugh but at the end of the day, when it's in the comfort of my room between my bedsheets, it's just me alone in that dark silence.

in that dark silence, i see loneliness & solace.
solace because i can stare in the blankness and reflect back about my day or life.
loneliness comes upon me every now & then...... when i miss having a hug.
but after all the mixed feelings, i get to sleep in comfort!

looking back>
2003 has been one hell of a year of trying to handle school and yet grow up, grit my teeth to take the nonsense that comes my way & learning lessons of the heart. somehow thankful to every single person that has walked into my life in this year, to those that i don't speak to anymore i just wish you know somehow.

i STILL wonder why, while other people can just move on with their lives in a snap of a finger, i end up dwelling in my sadness instead of looking for the happiness that is not so far away. simply shitty me.

365 days | 3 heartaches | getting upset with myself | new great friends | 2 wonderful trips to paris | xmas in singapore with old pals | stronger i think |