Deleted

In box/sent box's completely empty.
Just need to work on those 'saved' messages later.

Sigh.

I pray for strength.

Ouch ouch ouch!

Damn I knew it was coming but yet I still had to bite hard on my lips to remind myself not to shed any tears, along with taken quick deep breaths (thought I was going to hyperventilate for a moment...)

So I end up with watery eyes and temptation to burst out into tears any moment but I know I should not.

Ok ok calm down. *breath breath*

"Now you know what to do come midnight tonight"

I am so not looking forward to 2009


*There are only so many ways to break me - I think he has done so in all possible ways*

Cupcakes

Everytime I see one, I'm sure I will think of you...
Maybe all the better - so that I will lay off red velvets and get red of my sweet tooth.

Ha. Sorry for the pun but it sure made me laugh when I'm supposed to be emo at this moment.

Eleven minutes into the 31st

I am very scared of 2009.

Because 2009 is when I am suppose to make major decisions/changes/choices - and I don't really want to face them all.

Can I just stay in 31st 2008 forever? First time in my life that I am not looking to the clock striking twelve... fireworks will make me smile, but at that same moment - I know my heart will be breaking.

='(

no regrets

"All I ever wanted was for you to know,
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul"

I blame only myself

I need to stop sending sms's when I'm not sober.

Happy Boxing Day

Hope yours was good, because mine was.
Again I don't know where this is going and how it's going to end but... At least I know I'm happy when I see him.

25th December 2008

Christmas celebrations - considered low key this year.

Dinner with bunch of friends, on to winebar to 'count down' - it was SO quiet... then on to a friend's house party where there was awesome Lobster Bisque to dunk bread with, chill, drink, chat...

Ahh... getting old for sure but even then, I only crawled into bed at 7am.

Heh.

21.12.08

I don't know why but after we said goodbye @ the station and as I walked away... a part of me felt that it was going to be the last time that I would ever see you again.

There are so many things I wish to say but I know it's never going to happen because we will never get the chance - and so I just let these thoughts cloud my mind.

Cloud... Yes, You Cloud my waking moments.

Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron & Wine

December 08

On my usual mundane bus ride to work today... when I realized that it's been exactly a year since I've 'officially' moved back home to SG.

1 year - I don't think I've accomplished much in this 1 year... I've worked for 6months and.... made some big decisions... met people who made an impact on my life... made new friends, caught up with the old ones ... and?

Wow.

365days just went by me without me realizing it.

I wonder how I will spend my next 365days - oh wait, why think?

=)

Hmmm... nice lyrics

你是愛我的

同样的一场日落
同样你还是没说
只是抱紧我
时间一到就松手
你用一万个理由
都比沉默还温柔
为什么爱我又不断退后
你害怕的是什么
你想要的是什么
站在你背后
我连呼吸都痛
我要相信你是爱我的
我要相信你是勇敢的
我烦时间是最残酷的
我怎么等
我要相信你是爱我的
不要当我每次唱情歌
眼里总有太多泪
不停拉扯
我用一万个答案
解释我们的距离
到最后发现我全都猜错
你害怕的是什么
你想要的是什么
站在你背后
我连呼吸都痛
我要相信你是爱我的
我要相信你是勇敢的
我烦时间是最残酷的
我怎么等
我要相信你是爱我的
不要当我每次唱情歌
眼里总有太多泪
不停拉扯
你怀里有太多问号
告诉我怎么依靠
我要相信你是爱我的
我要相信你是勇敢的
我烦时间是最残酷的
我怎么等
我要相信你是爱我的
不要当我每次唱情歌
眼里总有太多泪
不停拉扯

Zoukout '08 was a Blast!

15.12.08 - 53.5

Ah.... failed Kebaya @ STC (again)
Wonder what's the problem with it when I'm @ STC - have always passed it when it's at Sheraton!

Oh well, life goes on =)
Next walk-in is during Jan... hope thing's go better then.

Positive note for the day: I weighed in at 53.5kg!

Whooo~ Nearing my target of 50kg soon.

Red Velvet Cupcakes

First attempt, wonder how they taste...

A dress that distracted me!

Can't wait to go back and get it.
It's a size 4 & too big! Sheesh... did I really loose THAT much weight?
hmmm...

Slept the rest of 23rd Nov away

*sniff*

I'm still sad...

The night e girls were in charge

Boys tsk!

Nice to meet You anyway

I don't want to get too close
I don't want to get too close
You see this isn't where my head is
If you knew me I'm not like this
But I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you anyway

I believe you're very fine
Still I haven't got the time
Cause I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you anyway

And the sky opened up
With the soil of the sun
Dreaming of my true love

I don't mean to be so strange
But my life just took a change
Cause I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you anyway

And the sky opened up
With the soil of the sun
Dreaming of my true love

So before this goes too far
Let me tell you what you are
You're amazing, I'm attracted
But I'm terribly distracted
And I'm trying to be verbal
And I'm back into this circle
Cause I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you
Nice to meet you
Nice to meet you anyway
Nice to meet you anyway
Nice to meet you anyway
Nice to meet you anyway

Even if you want me to stay here
(Nice to meet you, Nice to meet you)
I'm tellin you right now i can leave
(Nice to meet you, Nice to meet you)
Before i get to changing my mind here
(Nice to meet you, Nice to meet you anyway...)
I hope you understand what I mean
I hope you understand what I mean
I hope you understand what I mean....

Here Fishy Fish

Spotted this a while back but have been pondering if it's worth getting. No doubt it's Frank Ghery but still... it's US$500, wonder how much it is in SG.

lazy weekends

love my lazy weekends... took a nap in the afternoon and in my denial to pack my room, i went online and through FBooking etc, found this website that I can get free samples!
Just selected 3 and paid for my postage. Hee.. Can't wait!

If you're interested, click below - so I can get refferal points please =)

It's ok....

with time I will learn...and get over the pain...

Think I forgot about loving myself first.
Will work on it...

There's a fine fine line... from brilliant Ave Q

Kate Monster:
There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.



Lyrics - There’s a Fine, Fine Line lyrics

bruise of the year

so apparently I fell over somewhere somehow on Halloween night. Didn't realize till the night after when I felt a tender patch on my shin. This is how it looks like 2 days after:

Seriously - how does one fall to get a bruise of such size/shape?!
I am really puzzled.
Ha!
Maybe it was the 'voodoo' cocktail I had.

march

Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented.Loves special things. Moody.

random

bug loving mc cafe cuppucino

I found the pink Monopoly!

Nice right? hmmmm...

Pink Jenga too!

31st Oct

Another attempt at my 'dream' job.
I say 'Dream' because my parents think I am silly to persue it and that I'm too old.

Oh well =)

I shall keep fighting for a chance!

Nitez!

This dull feeling in my heart...

that refuses to go away.

I don't know how to describe it.
Realising that I might have become the 'deletee' instead of the 'deleter'... maybe, maybe that's what's eating into me. A dull ache that lingers.

I can't seem to type more.
Mind is blank.
Fingers hesistant over the keyboard.

I...wish that I am not me.

'Coz I don't wish to exist anymore.





I hate myself more that anything else.

'found you'

Rain

Rained in at e Biennale South Beach site. As the rain washes away the outdoor installation, I can smell the soap in the air. Very comforting actually...Rain's good for sleeping in or just spending quality time with loved ones. This photo reminds me of one time when i was stuck at a bustop with my siblings n dad. It was raining so heavily that we had to stand on e orange seats to try and stay dry. Miss those old bustops.

letting go & forgetting

2 very different actions;

Letting go is somewhat easier than forgetting.

I still can't forget.

*sigh*

To chase away e Monday blues

Finished work n made Fu go eat sushi with me. It was not great n made me dream of Tues special at Tamako. Hope i finish work earlish tomorrow to eat it. Ooh, we completed e nights with ice cream from Udders again. It's So Good that 3hrs after, i can still feel e alcohol in my tummy! Fav is rum raisin, triple sec dark choc n brandy cherry. Ahh, hope i dream of it tonight. :-D

Bam!

and then it was gone...

I still don't know what hit me but it sure left a huge impact that I can't erase. Every morning I wake up & try to be happier without him.

I hope I have the strength to keep on going.

Delete?

A thought that will be so hard to put into action.
Let me sleep on it.

And so as a friend says...

Love is Suicide.

What do you think?

The nonsense things I do when i surf the net...

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I must let go

... because I figured I have suffered enough.

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen

Breakfast on a Sat morning

Dun think I've been up so early on a Sat for a long long time. Dragged my sorry ass out of bed at 845 to see Dr Loke for my acne prob. Told to wait 2hrs so i'm sitting at e veranda outside Mama bread, with an apple juice n just had this AMAZING bread! Cranberry chocolate creamcheese. Super yummy. Chowed it down in under ten bites n now thinking if i should buy more! :-P

Walking away & pray I won't turn back

突然发现站了好久 不知道要往哪走
还不想回家的我 再多人陪只会更寂寞
许多话题关于我 就连我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可 委屈却没有人诉说
夜半信仰丛白剥落 拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候 想你更多

如果你也听说 有没有想过我
想普通交朋友 还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说 悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和 舍不得 又无可奈何

如果你也听说 会不会相信我
对流言会附和 还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多 冷漠的人就你一个
想到你想起我 胸口依然温柔

许多话题关于我 就连我也有听过
我想我宁可都沉默 其实反而显得做作
夜半信仰丛白剥落 拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候 想你更多

如果你也听说 有没有想过我
想普通交朋友 还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说 悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和 舍不得 要无可奈何

如果你也听说 会不会相信我
对流言会附和 还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多 冷漠的人就你一个
想到你想起我 胸口依然温柔

如果你也听说 有没有想过我
想普通交朋友 还是你依然会心疼我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多 冷漠的人就你一个
想到你想起我 胸口依然温柔
如果你想起我 你会想到什么

4th Oct - Amei Star Concert

Bought a new LG tv for the family & it came with 2 free tickets to Amei. Thankful that I found an avid fan in Cindy and off we went for a 3 hour concert! Amei can really sing - first time I have been to a concert that is 3 hours long with no guest singer and short costume changes. Really really great performer but as we were at the highest section, the people didn't seem very enthusiatic. I only had my C902 phone with me, so photos and video are not clear but the sounds recorded are quite good I must say!


The light were such that I couldn't take any decent shot with my camera phone.

"If I ain't got you"

原來你什麼都不想要

天黑黑

解脫 part 1

解脫 part 2

解脫 part 3

3rd Oct: The day we were stoned bridesmaids

The day started at 5am till we crawled home at 1+am... & for some bizarre reason, the bride's bouquet hit my hand (damn myself for reacting!) So yeah, it's mine and I apparently now have till end of next year to get hitched. More of "yeah right" I'm thinking.

Groom & brothers trying to be 'emo'

Ryan & 'Joey' hanging out

Joey! Sweet little thing who was so scared though

Me with big eyebags & Carroll

Me with no eyebags in this angle + Carroll

'Zi Pai' goes on...

Caroll caught in a moment

'Zi Pai' again but this looks like some photoshoot

Look at my HUGE eyebags! *boo hoo!*

Me & Megan - sweet little girl who wants to be very pretty!

I didn't touch a single drop till after the wedding when I went to smile @ the bartender and took a 3/4 bottle of red wine and 2 glasses - to share at my table lah... everyone thought I looked like an alcoholic. heh.

Sharon the bride after everything - told her she looked like those 'see lai' in HK who go to gym with make up and big hair. hah. so she poses here to show off her lovely ring too. Congrats to you babe! =) Glad you and Melvyn have each other & an amazing new home. Babies to come soon too I hope!