::saturday.
::woke up like 1pm today.
::too late to go for service.
::killed time by going onto the net.
::made a call back to my parents.
::heard the usual naggings but felt somehow better after the call.
::finally got my lazy ass out of the flat at 3.15pm to meet sis and friends.
::got to bond st, bought a bagel and sat around listening to their conversations.
::went to Selfriges ( a huge department store ) to get somemore last minute gifts.
::i ended up with more chocolates and sweets for myself.
::bought a Lindt bar, a nougat bar, and a box of turkish delights.
::had dinner at Wagamama, a modern westernised Jap restuarant.
::western 'cos the food doesn't taste anything like Jap food.
::went to a pub to have after dinner conversations.
::swirling ciggie smoke kinda put me into a dazed mode.
::clothes stink of smoke.
::headed for home @ 11pm by tube.
::missed the last bus to bring me up the hill that i have to walk up to get home.
::decided to flag a cab.
::was a quick ride & the driver was pleasant.
::ride cost me 4.20pounds.
::now it's 1:14am and i am sitting on my bed, typing this and feeling really really empty.
::maybe it's just the holidays, leaving me with too much time to kill and have weird thoughts.
::i think i have changed.
::i no longer am the bubbly cheerful person i was.
::i shut myself from the people here.
::and talk to only a handful of my classmates.
::why?
::i was never like this.
::always thought i was 'friendly'.
::people change, and maybe so have i.
::or maybe i have just closed my heart to everyone, everything.
::i don't want to be hurt anymore.
::can i survive in this surreal world of my own?
::can i survive on my own?
::or will i wither and get blown into little pieces.
::and my presence never felt again?
::does it matter anyway?
::never really felt that i fitted in.
::into this world, this life.
::i was always someone lurking around, filling up the little spaces.
::maybe i was made to be like this.
::never really important but having to exist somehow.
::wish i was just a cat.
::a cat with a loving owner.
::cant type anymore.
::i am practically choking with unwanted emotions.
::emotions that are swelling up in my throat.
::love hurts.
::void kills.

::good night.